As the name implies, people-pleasers will go to great lengths to make everyone around them happy. While it’s admirable to want to help those around you, exhausting yourself trying to do so might have negative effects. In addition, it’s difficult to be authentic when you’re constantly adjusting your behavior and speech to accommodate the expectations of others.
If not with everyone, we become people-pleasers for some, which is extremely detrimental to our health. Surely it is not good to be a people-pleaser; you also don’t want to be called arrogant or selfish. So there needs to be a balance.
So, we have some tips & suggestions on how to stop being a people pleaser but still be nice. Let’s get started!
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser but Still Be Nice?
This type of behavior invariably results in low self-esteem, a sense of being overburdened by expectations, and the development of inadequate coping abilities. So exercise or incorporate these 11 tips in your life to stop being people pleaser & still be nice.
1) Look Into Yourself
The greatest transformations occur when we examine ourselves with curiosity and admiration instead of judgment and denial. When we allow our ideas and emotions into consciousness, we have the opportunity to learn from them, rather than reacting to them unconsciously, and we enhance our understanding of reality by being willing to face our personal truths.
2) Establish Healthy Boundaries
Realize your limitations, set firm boundaries, and make them known. Clearly define the responsibilities you are willing to take on. If you feel like someone is asking too much of you, it’s okay to tell them they won’t be able to count on your assistance.
There are further ways to establish limits in your life in order to curb your people-pleasing instincts. For instance, you may only accept phone calls at particular hours in order to minimize the amount of time you spend speaking.
3) Validate Yourself
After you realize that your value is not tied to how others see you, you will no longer engage in such destructive actions. You are valuable as you are right now. Your value has never been quantified, and it never will be. You’re a living, breathing human being. Isn’t that valuable in and of itself?
4) Stop Making Excess Apologies or Excuses
You will have more time and energy to do the things you truly enjoy as soon as you stop creating excuses. You’ll feel less like a helpless victim and more like an active participant in your own life.
While we certainly don’t advocate rudeness, being too nice will just lead to more of the same. Don’t be shy about explaining why you’re declining, but keep your response brief and avoid making amends. Confidence in your judgment might come over to others in a hard yet polite stance.
5) Remember That You Can’t Satisfy Everyone
It’s a bitter truth to accept, but you simply can’t please everyone. The fact is that everyone has slightly different requirements; therefore, it’s impossible to satisfy everyone all the time. Furthermore, your actions to please one person may cause distress or offense to another.
Instead, make an effort to be genuine, and the people who truly care about you will respond positively to you.
6) Learn That Too Much Hurts Rather Than Helps
The strength of your relationships is dependent on your desire to do your part and be authentic. When you do too much for others, you over-function in your relationships, causing others to underperform. As a result, your excellent intentions ultimately impeded the overall effectiveness of your partnerships.
7) Start With Small Changes
Making a big shift all at once can be challenging, so it’s usually best to start making your presence felt in subtle ways. Adjusting to a new routine can be challenging. One must often retrain oneself and the others around one to recognize and respect one’s limitations.
Therefore, baby steps toward becoming less of a people-pleaser can be useful. You can begin by refusing less significant demands, voicing a little disagreement, or requesting a necessary item.
8) Assess Other’s Requests First
Learning to recognize the warning signals of people taking advantage of your kindness is another strategy for getting over your tendency to please others. Do you have friends or acquaintances that always need something from you but vanish when it comes time for them to help out in return?
Do what you want with the request, but if you feel like you’re being manipulated, stop and think about it. Be tough and straightforward with folks who are chronic offenders or who insist you aid them.
9) Take Some Alone Time
Time spent alone has positive effects on both mental and physical well-being. However, many people avoid being alone out of concern that they may suffer from negative emotions like loneliness, boredom, or anxiety.
Spending time alone can improve our understanding of our own ideas, emotions, and needs. Additionally, it can assist us in determining what makes us happy or dissatisfied. Improving our self-awareness can be quite beneficial in many ways.
10) Learn It’s Give & Take In Relationships
Strong, healthy relationships require giving and taking from both parties. If one partner is constantly providing for the other’s wants at their own expense, it’s likely that the giver is neglecting his or her own needs.
Even if you take pleasure in making other people happy, they need to remember to do something nice for you.
11) Make Yourself Happy
Trying to make everyone happy is not sustainable and can lead to burnout, anxiety, and despair. So, when you’re feeling stressed or worn out from giving your all to others, remind yourself that you deserve joy just as much as they do.
Remember, you are not for simply meeting the demands of others. Keep in mind that you have requirements of your own that are important.
You can always start living your life on your own terms, and it’s never too late to do so. Hanging to fit other people’s standards will lead you away from who you truly are. So, So try the tips we have mentioned on how to stop being a people pleaser but still nice & you will see the change in yourself.
Thank you for reading!